A Surrogate
by WriterSam911
Summary: It is not enough that I have these people around me. No, I needed her. Twenty years were long enough...I have to see her...to see beautiful Bella...My Bella...


A simple, but long one shot. I was very thorough when proof reading it, but if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes, please inform me. I embrace harsh critics as my friends.

I do not own Twilight. That belongs to the author.

* * *

The steps towards the Volvo were longer than usual. It felt like the wind was pulling me towards the mansion, but I won. I couldn't stay in the house any longer. My heart had given in and left me in such a depressing state that I couldn't distress poor Esme any longer.

The car came alive while I sat there, lifeless. I let the engine warm for awhile as I stared into the icy distance, wondering if she was thinking of me.

_How could she not?_ My cocky monster spoke with great greed. _I had intoxicated her more than one way. She still remembers me, of course she does. I bet she's still looking at the house in Forks, visiting there ever so often…wondering if I will return to her. _

"Never," I whispered, pushing my foot down as the car sped up into the speed that would kill her…her…her…Bella…

The car was becoming too unbearable to be in, but I kept driving, straight ahead, not looking back. All the thoughts that were running through my head were nothing compared to the aches all over my body. It was like someone had cut me open and rearranged my organs. It wasn't nice…

But it was worth it.

Sweet, sweet, dearest, Bella…I would give up everything for you. These twenty years without you have been the darkest time of my life, but God, I love you. God, I love you so much that I am willing to stand against temptation and know what's best for you. God, so help me, I love that pure human and if all I had from this lifeless immortality was her…then I thank you…I thank you and I love you too.

I drove to the side of the street and slammed my head against the wheel as the engine died. I can't deal with these aches, they're about to win the fight that no vampire can conquer. It's a deadly fight in which one must have innocence and a heart to win, both of which I don't have.

"I can't do this…" I told myself, looking up at the snowy Alaska sky. "I'm forgetting her face."

The car was so small that I was suffocating. I pushed opened the door (I heard a loud crack, but I just figured it was my body starting to writher away) and looked up at the sky.

"I'M FORGETTING HER FACE!" I yelled so loudly that everything around me screamed back. The birds were calling (pleading for relief), the stars were shining (longing for embrace), and the trees leaning sideways from the harsh winds (waiting for someone to catch them). "YOU CAN TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME, BUT PLEASE!" I collapsed to the dirt and continued to yell at the heavens. "KEEP HER INSIDE OF ME!"

I pushed my face closer to the ground, my senses were gone, my life was gone, and the memory of her was almost gone. What can I have in this world, but her? What can I have?

I gave a loud, echoing gasp as I grabbed at my heart. I struggled to move forward as I began to roll towards the front of the car, gasping with each movement. A very lasting memory came to me…it was the time I transformed into a vampire…how it felt when my heart stopped…this feeling I'm having…is like the opposite…it feels like my heart is starting again.

"I can have memories of her face…" I spoke aloud as I slammed my hand on the front lights and gave a hysterical laughter as I got up. I leaned on my car and spoke again. "I can have a new memory of her…"

Yes…a new memory…

I quickly got inside of the car, shutting the door very quickly and maybe too hard (I decided to ignore the sound of crushing metal). I drove through the night, forgetting everything I promise to myself…forgetting every logical means in the world…forgetting for a moment that I wasn't a monster who wanted his food…but a human who wanted to see the face of a love one.

I turned left where the corner of heartless lies, I got on high hopeless, then I made sure not to miss the exit of doom, and finally, I reached Forks.

When I did, I went with my first impulse, which was to speed up into such velocity that I wasn't surprise when I heard a familiar police sirens right behind me.

I wanted to react…ignore the sirens, but do remember this is Forks, everyone knows everybody. It's better to get a ticket for speeding than go to jail for ignoring the authorities. I slowed down before parking the car to the side. I pulled down the window and realized I was once again looking at the night sky. The birds singing with happiness, the stars shining with laughter, and the trees dancing with glee. I gave a smile to all.

Something occurred to me as the officer took a step out of the police car, and moved forward towards me. Something that I didn't realize from the very beginning.

"License and registration, please," said a soothing voice.

Why couldn't I hear this person's thoughts?

Then my eyes focused on the beautiful police officer carrying the flashlight that was point to me. I looked at her brown hair and her brown eyes and I knew…I knew I was looking at the adult face of my one and true soul.

"Are you drunk?" asked Officer Bella Swan, glaring into my eyes. "License and registration."

I gave an incredulous laughter before letting my hands lift up and rummage around in a small container that held my license and registration. I wiped the dust that was covering it before giving it to Officer Swan.

Her eyes left mine, but mine never left the sight of her. Her hair is nice and short, her face is a little tighter, and her hips wider than I last saw her. She is still absolutely beautiful.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" she asked. Her brown eyes were harsher than last time I saw her. I ignored it and focused on the color.

"No, no I do not."

"Well…it was a lot faster than most folks would like."

"I am very sorry, Officer."

"Yeah, well, it could have gotten a lot messier." She looked away from me and towards the streets. "There are couple of high school kids who like to hang around here during the night. They could have gotten hurt from your driving."

"They certainly could have." I nodded in agreement, like a mechanical robot would, listening to its master.

She looked at me once more with deep concentration and sighed. "I understand that you're a young and I'm old and I'm just not cool with the need to drive speed, but really, safety should come first, shouldn't it?"

"Absolutely right," I said, smiling at her humor. "But really, Officer, you do look young."

She gave a chuckle before smiling. "Trying to flirt your way out of a ticket, I see."

"Not at all, officer—."

"Well, good because my job clearly states that I have to check to see if you have been drinking or not. So get out of the car and walk in a straight line."

I did as she asked and she watched me closely, looking at my feet rather than my face.

_I want to see your eyes, _I thought greedily. _Please, I want to see the love we shared again. _

"Not intoxicated," said Officer Swan, nodding her head as she looked back at me. She pointed her flashlight at my face and looked deep within my eyes. I gave a satisfied smile as I looked at the intensity of her caring eyes. "And your pupils are fine…so where were you going in such a hurry, young man, with one of your front lights broken?"

I swallowed as I got back into my car. "I was actually going to a meadow."

Officer Swan cocked an eyebrow and pointed her flashlight at the front of my car. "You came from Alaska to see the meadow of Forks, Washington?"

"But this meadow is special."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course it is. Well, I'm still going to have to give you a—."

Before she could finish her sentence, great concerned filled her eyes as her cell phone went off and she quickly picked it up. "What's wrong?"

She turned her back towards me and I heard the love, care, and worry in her voice that I so long for her to share with me once more.

She gave a great sigh of relief before dropping the worry, but kept the love and care. "Honey, you do not call me on my emergency cell phone because you don't want to take a bath…No, you're taking a bath whether you like to or not. Now do as Uncle Jacob ask and get in that tub."

She closed the phone and gave a sharp, but loving laugh before turning to me. "Tell you what, I'm having a good day today and I decide to let you off with a warning, but if I see you speeding in the dead of night once more just to see some damn meadow then it's a mighty sum of money you're going to pay, got it?"

I nodded obediently as she hand me my license, registration, and a yellow slip. I watched her as she entered the car and I caught a loving smile that I once thought she could only give to me.

I looked down at the yellow slip she handed to me and my eyes widened as I read her messy handwriting that read:

Thanks for the memories.

And I heard my heart relapsing once more as I realized that's what I am to Bella…to Officer Swan…

Memories…

* * *

To answer the obvious question. Do I hate the Twilight saga? No, I just hated Breaking Dawn and I wished for Bella to stay mortal, gotten pregnant much later (perhaps in mid thirties), and went to college. College, I believe should have been the only love for Bella at her age.


End file.
